Deepest Sympathies
by Nesma
Summary: Emmeline snorted as Remus walked gingerly towards the chair opposite of her. "Silly really." She muttered, inspecting the card as Remus settled into the seat. "Left my house because I couldn't bear to read another poorly written card expressing their deepest sympathies." (Weeks after the death of the Potters, Emmeline and Remus discuss.)


**Title:** Deepest Sympathies

**Author:** Nesma

**Disclaimer: **I, obviously, do not own Harry Potter or the characters, all that goes to JKRowling.

**Summary: **Emmeline snorted as Remus walked gingerly towards the chair opposite of her. "Silly really." She muttered, inspecting the card as Remus settled into the seat. "Left my house because I couldn't bear to read another poorly written card expressing their _deepest _sympathies." She bitterly spat out, her red rimmed eyes were full of fury, cheeks flushed and lips pursed, her petite nose flaring. (Weeks after the Lily and James die.)

**A/N:** I wrote this because the plot bunny was driving me mad. Let me know what you think.

* * *

People, Remus Lupin decided bitterly, say a lot of stupid things. Sitting in his cramped apartment by himself, Remus seemed to have owls and owls and owls clamoring over one another. Letters from friends offering fake support and people he _barely _knew telling him how they felt his pain because their owl contracted some odd blood disease and it was _so _painful to lose them. Or how some sod understood betrayal because their best friend from first year at Hogwarts stole their bloody Chocolate Card collection.

Remus threw most of those letters in the fire and didn't even bother to send a reply. Because who was bloody _stupid_ enough to compare Lily and James Potter to an Owl? Or to Peter Pettigrew? And how could _anyone _think that stealing a chocolate frog collection was equivalent of a betrayal when Sirius Black _murdered _thirteen people in one day? Fifteen if you included the Potters. And with a huge wrecking ball to his heart, he remembered that there was Marlene-

Loud pounding came from his front door and Remus rolled his eyes and continued fuming in his chair. It was only when he heard the voice from outside that he felt compelled to get up.

"Merlin. Took you long enough." Emmeline Vance said bitterly as she swept into his place, her bag clinking with every step.

"Sorry." Remus said aggressively as he shut the door. Surely he wasn't going to get a lecture _today _about his manners. Emmeline just sat in the very chair that Remus was sitting in. An owl flew in and dropped yet another letter in her lap before flying off.

Emmeline snorted as Remus walked gingerly towards the chair opposite of her. "Silly really." She muttered, inspecting the card as Remus settled into the seat. "Left my house because I couldn't bear to read another poorly written card expressing their _deepest _sympathies." She bitterly spat out, her red rimmed eyes were full of fury, cheeks flushed and lips pursed, her petite nose flaring.

Remus simply stared down, at the cracks on the wooden floor. "Whose it from?"

"Oh, Merlin." Emmeline Vance said with such disgust that Remus picked his head up, "It's from _Bertha Jorkins._" And Remus threw his head back and choked on his laughter. Because Bertha Jorkins couldn't care _less _about Remus. She was fascinated with tragedies and the ugly secrets that lay beneath them. Anything she wrote was bound to be a thinly disguised attempt to get to the truth.

"Go on then. Read it." Remus said, gesturing his bony hands towards Emmeline to open the card (he had only realized then that there was a stain on this sleeve and he is pretty sure he wore the shirt for the past three days. He hoped there wasn't a smell).

Though, eyeing Emmeline as she ripped apart the envelope, she looked to be in worse shape. Her brown hair, usually in pretty curls was haphazardly thrown into knotted mess of a bun on top of her hair, the roots greasy. Her eyes were red and puffy, the nostrils around her nose was clearly irritated with all the tissue using and she was wearing robes that had stains on the sleeves and a shirt that was far too large.

Emmeline started skimming the first few lines and started to smile, making eye contact with Remus, she started to clear her throat loudly before starting an overly dramatic reading of the card of Bertha Jonkins.

"Dear Remus, I was so saddened to hear the news about the Potters. It is so terrible that they died in such a tragic way, but I guess that all things happen for a reason and that at least they are in a better place." Remus own fingers started to curl into a fist, the scars on his hands glowed white as they did. "I am terribly sorry too for the death of Peter Pettigrew and the actions of Sirius Black, I guess the apple never truly strays too far from the tree." Remus casted his eyes down at the floor and had to concentrate very hard on a crack that looked like a disfigured tree. "At least Peter Pettigrew will received an Order of Merlin, a feat that should make you proud." He wasn't. "And if you ever need anyone to talk, I'm always here for you. I'll try to stop by later this week to check up you. With all my love, Bertha." Emmeline finished the letter, crumpled it into a ball and threw it towards the other end of the room.

"I bloody hate people." Emmeline said angrily, opening her bag and pulling out a large bottle of fire whiskey.

"You and me both." Remus said quietly as he eyed her take a generous swing from the bottle. "Does it help?" He asked, with too much hope in his voice.

"Only a bit." Emmeline said, passing the bottle to him. "It numbs some things. But others… " She takes a shaky breath as her eyes wells up in tears. And Remus understood because there was not enough alcohol in the world to drown out the past month, but he couldn't care _less _and he was willing to do anything to get himself out of this misery. And with that, he took an equally generous swing. It burned going down his throat and it brought tears to his eyes but it was something _different _then the holes in his heart from his missing friends. And different was good.

"What a bloody cow." Emmeline said, her eyes shooting a dirty look to the crumpled letter. " 'All things happen for a reason' and 'they are in a better place.'" Emmeline mimicked nastily, her eyes darting around as she pulls her legs underneath her. "Lily and James were _fine _here. I do not _care _that they are in a 'better place' – what the bloody hell does that mean? And everything happens for a reason? Great! Fantastic! They got rid of 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named' and they have an orphaned kid that's living with the biggest _bitch _I have ever met." Emmeline continued, all of which Remus heartily agreed to with vigorous nodding and 'mhhhmms'.

Because a better place meant that Lily and James were buried six feet under with a pretty statue. A better place meant that Lily and James were no longer here and dead. And that _wasn't _a better place for the world. The world could do more with Lily's good heart and James' passion for life. Granted, 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named' was gone for now but he'd rather be living in terror than _this.  
_  
"I hated all the celebrations taking place that day." Emmeline continued, taking another swing from the fire whiskey as her eyes welled up. "It was like _everyone _was rubbing it in my face that my best friend was gone. It was like they were celebrating her death and his death and the horrid future of Harry." She said bitterly, tears escaping as she wiped her face furiously with her robe as she passed the bottle to Remus who felt a _relief._

"It was… disgusting." Remus agreed as he brought the bottle to his lips. "I could hardly stand to be in a party for more than five minutes. But not celebrating meant that people thought I was on _his _side. People still suspected, you see." Remus explained to Emmeline's confused and then furious face.

"Bloody people." Emmeline Vance spat out. "Did you get the insensitive questions as well?"

Remus laughed macincally. Did he get insensitive questions? "Oh, you mean the ones asking if I knew Black was up to? As if Black just casually tells me that he plans to murder Lily and James over a beer? What do you get asked?" Remus asked harshly as Emmeline flinched and turned away.

"I get asked about the victims. I get asked about what's Petunia liked and if she's _worthy _to be taking care of _Harry Potter._ I get asked how Alice and Franks are doing. As if I want to go into details about such things." Emmeline said quietly, wrapping her arms around her knees.

"How are Alice and Frank taking the news?" He asked quietly, knowing that it was _okay _that he asked and _not _Bertha.

Emmeline snorted. "Badly. Alice especially. You know how close we all were with Lily and Marlene…" Emmeline Vance trailed off, her hands shaking as the bottle was sent her way. "Survivors guilt is what she told me. They both went into hiding the same time. Alice thinks it should have been her."

"What do you tell her?"

"I tell her Lily would have strangled her for saying that." Emmeline said, not quite meeting Remus gaze as she started to sniffle. It was painful to now have to _imagine _the things that they would have said in such situation; it just _hurt _to have to play a pretend game to gain sense of your friends instead of asking them directly.

"Have you talked to Frank?"

Remus shrugged. "A bit. There isn't much to say. He blames himself for not seeing it sooner, the auror in him I guess. He's just _mad._" Remus said, which was all true. When Frank Longbottom came to see him days earlier that he was just furious at the world and at Death Eaters and everyone, but mostly, himself.

Emmeline nodded as she wiped her nose again. She was looking out of the dirty window of Remus as smudges distorted the view from outside.

"I'm mad too." Emmeline said weakly, "I love James and Lily dearly but _Merlin, _they always take the attention!" She nearly yelled at Remus. "Everyone forgot already that Marlene is gone. Everyone. It was as if they forgot that she died at the hands of _him. _Her entire family did. It… it isn't fair."

"James and Lily did have a flair… but nothing compared to Black." Remus said nastily, his eyes lingering on the latest Daily Prophet which had the headlines about Black's sentence.

"No trail for him at least. Doesn't deserve it." Emmeline said, which only caused Remus to snap.

"I'm not okay with that." Remus shook his head quickly.

"You think he even deserves to defend his actions?" Emmeline asked appalled.

"No, but we deserve answers. _I _deserve them." Remus said angrily as Emmeline looked back in shock. "This doesn't _bloody_ make sense. I've seen Sirius do countless reckless things for the Marauders. I've seen him in _battle _do things to protect James or Lily or me or Peter… It doesn't bloody make sense."

Emmeline snorted, "As Sirius _ever _acted within reason?"

Remus clutched the bottle tightly, "In his own mad way yes. I mean, he fucking hated his parents. The whole lot of them. Didn't even _acknowledge _his own brother. Didn't turn up for the funeral. And everyone _knows _that Reg was a Death Eater so where was the sympathy? It would have been easy to go to the funeral and pay the respects without raising awareness because it's his own bloody brother."

"Maybe he was after the power."

"Are you even _hearing _yourself? Power? Sirius was _born _with power and he gave it away and never looked back."

"Well-"

"I don't want to talk about this." Remus said quickly, cutting off Emmeline and drinking some more fire whiskey because _fuck her_.

And there was a pause which Emmeline sniffled and shed more tears as Remus stared out of the window, his jaw set and teeth grinding up against one another.

"I'm sorry." Remus said after a bit because he was a jerk and he often forgot that Sirius and Marlene may have had a thing and that the memory of Sirius Black was not his own personal property but one that belonged to everyone.

"Don't be. I was a bitch." And Remus wasn't going to argue about that.

"At least there is the award ceremony for Peter." Emmeline said, before snorting into her drink. "Another bitter reminder that he's dead." She continued, staring down in the bottle.

Remus nodded. "I _hate _how they gave that to him. As if it's some odd condolence prize to his mum and us. As if a shiny new medal will distract us by the fact that he's not here or as if his death was worth such a medal." Remus rambled, realizing that his words may be slurred.

"It's not okay. I mean, it's nice that he'll get it but I _hate _it when people say, 'At least he'll get the Order of Merlin'. As if the Order of Merlin is the greatest thing in life to achieve because _we _don't bloody have him anymore." And she broke off into sobs over Peter's kind spirit and Remus couldn't blame her.

He stood up and tripped over some letters before arriving to Emmeline and wrapped his arms around her from behind as she leaned into them. Her body shook and the smell of alcohol and sweat just came from her body. He could feel her tears staining his shirt and he oddly wondered if his shirt may become clean.

"I'm sorry" She choked between her sobs and Remus felt numb at those words. "No. He was your friend too." He said quietly which only made her sob louder.

And it was true. The amount of time they spent together was unbelievable. They liked eating and cooking together. Most of the missions were taken together. They were never romantically involved but there were hints of it here and there. They were flirtatious around one another and Peter's chest would puff with pride as Emmeline complimented him or Emmeline would blush whenever Peter whispered something in her ear. There was the potential for something and it ended with the death.

Unlike a break up, there was no final agreement. There was no discussion, there was no rehashing, there was no opportunity in the future for a second chance, there was nothing. There was nothing left and he was just _gone. _There was no happy ending to this, there was barely even ending since there was no closure. It just _sucked. _

"How do we go on with no one left?" Wailed Emmeline and Remus had to blink a few tears away. "I… I don't know." And there was nothing else he could say. He didn't even have the heart to say, "I'm Here" because it wasn't enough. She _knew _she could come to him drunk and sobbing (and it'll happen a few more times) but she also knew that he couldn't bring back any of their friends. He'd never be as clumsy yet charming like Peter. He would never have the confidence and arrogance of Sirius and James. And she knew that she would never have the kindness like Lily or the humour like Marlene. They simply weren't enough for each other.

And within the next few hours it became headline news that Alice and Frank Longbottom were tortured heavily. Remus would go to her place and wait for news before passing out on her couch. They would go together to the hospital and stare in horror of the shells of the Longbottom. They would go together everywhere in hopes of finding the ultimate relief, but all the company of each other gave was the memory of the past and what they _used _ to have.

And after a while, the drunken bashing stopped for the world moved on and they were miles behind. Remus threw himself in finding one employment after the other while Emmeline tried to assimilate into life and pretended not to notice the difference and shift in the Earth with her friends underneath her feet.

Perhaps, this is why, when Emmeline Vance died in her home Remus took it the hardest and did it the only way he could: with a bottle of fire whiskey; he thought it would be a huge disrespect not to drink after all.


End file.
